Decisions

How is it one can find what they need without even looking for it?
I sit here contemplating my coming wedding thinking maybe this isn't what I want. but my delimma is difficult because I think my heart was stolen. But unfortunately it's not an option. Talking over the phone I fell for you, but in person your just you. What do I do? I don't know or understand. I'm 25 yet still so young. I haven't figured out life yet. I wish I could take it all back. From the moment I realized I fell for you to the moment I realized I didn't love you anymore. But I can't. Instead I sit here waiting for the day that it's permanent and I'm stuck.
Because I'm just an endless cycle of heartbreak.
I fall in love I fall out I move on. And I'm tired of it.  But this time do I follow my heart even though I'm not attracted to the one who has it? Or do I stick with ol reliable?
To many decisions

Help I'm frozen
I want to thaw
I need it to stop
Make it stop
You think I give the green light
But it's red inside my head
Help me
My past is strong
The pain is real
I cannot do anything
The hurt is all I feel
Long ago the demons got me
Now I'm stuck in my head
My voice is dead
My rhyming lacks
Facts they're true
Please stop
You think it's ok
This should be my que
But I've been silenced
Help me
Stop
Your my best friend
And this is wrong
You hear nothing
Because all I am is calm
You think I want it
Because I flaunt it
But I'm haunted
Daunted
Make it stop
Internally I cry
You smile now
You don't know why
Inside I've died